Currently Listening Plans By Death Cab for Cutie Your Heart Is An Empty Room see related

The Chase Is All I Know.

"The flames and smoke climbed out of every window and disappeared with everything you held dear, but you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need because you knew you were finally free.  Because all you see is where else you could be when you're at home.  On the street are so many possibilities."

I'm an ambivalent mess when it regards returning to school.  On one flayed and fire-rent palm resides the ill feeling of dancing the fandango (a term of queerly erected endearment) all the way to Pennsylvania, absent of family, friends and good times.  On the other stitched and mended hand sits the sick-strange cocktail of comfort and anxiety in lighting off the rocket that is a new semester, returning me smartly to another (held in almost equal positive regard) set of family, friends and good times.  I suppose that the fundamental breakdown lies in my lack of assuredness when in comes to lighting the fuse.  It isn't so much a prototype any longer, given how thoroughly it was tested in August; I should know that it isn't going to combust in my face.  It's just the sky looks so beautiful from the ground.  I wish I could own both the land and the view honestly, but I suppose that life doesn't deal such loaded hands, or at least odds indicate that I shouldn't bet on it.  I guess I'll just pull the lighter from my pocket and wish for the best.

"You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I'm not who I used to be."

I wish I had the metaphorical affluence to express how much of a shipwreck I am.  I feel so safe on shore, but so solemn.  The waves break just feet away, and it's beautiful to watch how they explode so violently from a distance, but I often wonder what it's like to make them.  How infinitely much more fulfilling it must be to pack the powder, to lock the flint, to combust.  I suppose the fact that I enjoy to kayak and canoe so much is some kind of compensation?  My father's in the Navy for goodness sake.  I guess I'll just reference my last paragraph and content myself in the stately resolution that I can't have both the view and own the property.  It's just so much harder not to pick a side when they're at war...

Currently Listening Not All Who Wander Are Lost By Chris Thile Sinai To Canaan - Part I see related

God In The Dock With A Polarized Iron Rod.

I've come to the sickening conclusion that Physical Science (in the form of Magnetism) has mounted against me.  There's a certain comfort in the congruence of opposites when it comes to this particular facet of human reason; I have (at the hand of some feat of injustice) lost sight of that comfort when a would-be Physicist branded me with a big "N", and mischievously made it his unholy mission to brand my family, friends and home with that same "N".  Perhaps they're actually gargantuan "S"s, which would pepper in a healthy dose of parallelism (considering how my plans have headed south, if you will, for the third consecutive holiday).  It eludes me how the same gift of God that facilitated the construction of the compass (a device that rarely fails at pointing you in the correct trajectory) has turned coat and thrown a big polarized wrench into the cogs of my life.  I suppose there's a lesson to be learned somewhere.  Perhaps I should use a little less rebar when constructing my relationships?  Maybe I'm overanalyzing the whole shebang, and the simplest cliche is the answer: "Opposites Attract".

That leads me to delve even deeper.  That cliche can't possibly be utilized in the same context for Physics as it is for Chemistry (While I'm on the topic of context, perhaps I should clarify that the Chemistry that precedes this parenthetical redefinition relates to the Chemistry between two people and not the Physical Science of Chemistry, though it does fit quite nicely as a play on words.  Just making sure you're following is all).  I really got to know this girl a few weeks ago who, for lack of a better way to put it, is my every attribute, passion, interest and character trait duplicated and placed smartly in the body of a young woman of God, and she manages to interest me a great deal more than the average girl.  You'd think that someone constructed so similarly to the person you've known since the second you were born, and quite probably know quite perfectly wouldn't seem as intricate as she is.  How is it that I manage to find new complexity in a personality that I've broken down into "simplicity personified" every hour, on the hour, for the last 167,060 hours.  Perhaps the duplication itself is what has me so encumbered with thought.  Whatever formulaic approach you take to the matter, I still find her infinitely interesting; Whatever formulaic approach you take to defining "infinitely interesting", it has always, and always will (to me at least) pan out to infinitely attractive, effectively nullifying the dangerous cliche that's potentially hindered thousands of potentially amazing friendships since the unwarranted assimilation of Charles-Augustin de Coulomb's Law of Electromagnetic Force and some would-be teenage poet's would-be philosophy on why they can't seem to score with people they have too much in common with.

Currently Listening Ghosts By Sleeping at Last Needle and Thread (From "Keep No Score") see related

O Tower, How Thou Hast Fallen.

“You were a million years of work,”
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
“You’re a good kid and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we’ll see you soon.”

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand.

I think I am beginning to understand; I think music theory may have scored the assist (along with Sleeping At Last): Dynamics are nice; I know first hand the beauty that they can add to a composition.  A well placed crescendo or thought-invoking pianissimo can be the most meaningful facet of a piece that can be arranged.  But the realization has been made (with great revelation) that a crescendo every two measures is just chaos.  A pianissimo that can only be enjoyed for a fleeting moment only leaves you wanting more.  The composer of this particular piece must be some kind of sadist; randomly peppering staccatos like toys.  I really could use a nice 4/4 right now, and I think that's exactly what I'm going to resign to, with great relief.  A friendly farewell is all that I can offer to both the piece and the composer (I realize that the conductor is never at fault).

Finances are a complicated web for me momentarily.  I just tried to do the right thing.  My father wired me $400 for car repairs, and I immediately attempted to place it safely in savings.  I come to find out that when my savings account has a $0 balance, I can't transfer online (or at least I don't have a clue how to do it).  So I decide that since I have roughly $500 of spending money in cash, I'll just place that in my safe so that I'm not tempted to spend any of what my dad gave me for repairs.  In doing so, I decided that it would be just fine to spend what was in checking, since I have money to cover it safely tucked away for repairs, and so I did.  My father then received my bank statement, and was quite angry (needless to say) at the lack of funds present in my account, quaintly complimented by the lack of proof that I can present to my father that I actually have money to compensate.  I suppose that all will be swiftly rectified when thanksgiving comes, my father sees the money, my car is fixed and we sit down as a family and enjoy the top-tier dinner of the year.  I still don't like the feeling of distrust (on the part of my family) and nervous anticipation (on my own) until then.  Wish the best of me.

I also have a meeting with Brian Coles at 1:00 PM Tuesday over an incident in chapel.  The "curtain has fallen" (if you will) on my unscathed discipline record here at Valley Forge due to a well placed, humorous yet highly unnecessary, loud and interjecting comment by one Philip Monson.  I'm on edge about that; I've never had to have a meeting with any kind of authority before.  We'll just see how it goes.

A "trifecta" of events that caused (quite possibly) the most stressful weekend since Summer faded into my memory has transpired.  I'm really having trouble taking what could be a learning experience with a grain of salt despite the fact that I know that it's the best way to handle it.  Fires burn; drought comes; walls fall.

O Forest, How The Flame Hath Consumed Thee; But In Thy Place, A Seed.

O Field, How The Lack Hath Taken It's Toll; But In Thy Distress, The Rain Will Fall.

O Tower, How Thou Hast Fallen; But In Thy Place, A Monument.  By Which To Remember My Grace, And To Remember Your Mason's Perseverance.

Currently Listening Into the Blue Again By The Album Leaf Broken Arrow see related

Mexico, Ohio, Virginia and Pennsylvania.

-M-  I had Chipotle today for the first time since August.  I think I'll have trouble coersing myself into discontentedness (or allowing the world to coerse me more accurately) for quite some time to come.  It's quite a task to be so sad when such happy food is inside of you.

-O-  I saw Switchfoot live in Cleveland last night/early this morning.  I was conditioned with the nonsense that they were horrible in concert; what fallacy that turned out to be.  They performed well, without question.  I even talked to Jon Foreman briefly about...

-V-  ...VA Beach as well as the difference in our hand temperature.  He played the harmonica in a few songs, which made me miss my little brother a smidgen, oddly enough.  I haven't gotten to see him in awhile, since he's never up with my parents; perhaps Thanksgiving will have something to say about that.

-P-  Damiani was evacuated at 1:15AM this morning due to hazardously high levels of Carbon Monoxide (CO) levels is the building.  Nobody seemed ill, but Dan Perez (Silent Dan) was nowhere to be found, and nobody has his number.  I really do hope that he escaped unscathed if you will.

My experience this weekend (thusfar) has included a peppering of cultures, accents, temperatures, states of being and legallities.  Contemplative, I walked.  Jovial, I spoke.  Satiated, I slept.  In good humor, I made good friends.  Closeness and Distance sort of blended into something perfect, and I didn't (nor will I ever) take it for granted.  Thank you Lord... for everything.

-Phil

Currently Listening About-Face By The Working Title Under The Ground see related

Baby, It's Cold Outside

  I'm back, and in full effect.  I suppose I should try and keep up with this site as well, since a great deal of the activity of half of my friends is revealed to me through its use.  Sorry for the lack of commitment, any who were offended.

  I'm in Windham, Ohio right now visiting with the Ebies + Denny (The Philosophical).  They're quite the family; I can honestly say that I'd like to model my own family after theirs somewhat, someday.  They're all so happy and close-knit; it really warms my heart to be reminded that such family togetherness still exists amidst the rapidly degrading moral fiber of our nation.  Despite the fact that it's cold (and snowing) outside here in Ohio, I'm having a pretty warm time.  Friends are pretty amazing.  Thanks for keeping me from catching cold; I'm still not quite used to the weather.

  The Maple Macchiato is dumb.

  -Phil